In March 2023, during a screening mammogram, the image reveals that an extensive constellation of microcalcifications has taken root in the right breast. Ductal carcinoma in situ and all the jargon that goes with it (which I'm going to have to familiarise myself with very quickly). The senologist kept sweeping her hand around my breast, as if to chase away her own fear. She kept whispering to herself "it's alarming" "it's alarming". I remember taking her hand and saying, "It'll be all right, madam, don't worry". I disassociated myself.
I'll often say that to my children, my partner and my friends: "It'll be all right, don't worry". My strength, like many other patients, is my resilience. I quickly understood that I was going to be on the vulnerable side and I couldn't do without the support of my community. I'm going to have to create space for my emotions, without burdening others, and above all, learn to receive. Letting go without falling.
